I've been thinking, overthinking.

I have been accused many a time on many an occasion of overthinking things. And although I'll fight it at the time and ask how overthinking something is any different than just regular thinking, I know that I'm guilty of it. I would blame it on being a girl, because we're notorious for that, but that's like a guy blaming his gender for his completely lack of respect towards women or his penchant for crude jokes. It may be the stereotype and it may be true in most cases, but that in no way makes it right. Now, it may seem like overthinking is in a much lesser ballpark than disrespecting women or laughing at off-color jokes about anatomy or the like, but who gets to decide if one thing is worse than another?

Here is another word for overthinking - worrying. Anytime that I space off during class because I'm playing out various scenarios regarding something that I have absolutely no control over, I am worrying about it. Anytime that I take one comment and go over all of the things that it could possibly mean, I am worrying about it. And friends, I do that. Alot. And so, although I would like to think that I am pretty laidback and easygoing, in truth, I am one of the biggest worriers out there.

I read in Luke today the whole thing about why we shouldn't worry, and there was one part where He explained one of His reasons for telling people that. And essentially, worrying traps us into putting the focus on ourselves and what we can get, instead of freeing our hearts to respond to what God gives. And that hit. Because, really, not only am I accomplishing absolutely nothing by worrying and overthinking, I'm also putting all sorts of crap on my heart that distract me from God's voice. Lately, it seems like it's just been one distraction after another, one thing to think about constantly after another. Oh, Satan, you are tricky. But God wins. He showed me what you're trying to do. And you won't win. It's almost as if God's whispered to my heart, "Daughter, know that the big things rarely happen when you ask for them, nor do they typically come from who or where you expect. That's the beauty. It usually comes a bit later, from someone you didn't even know when you first asked, as a result of some weird turn of events that were impossible for you to foresee. So, darling, chill. Be patient.".

Okay, God.

I'm done worrying. I'm done feeding certain thoughts. And I'm done trying to win this mind struggle by myself, because I can't take thoughts captive on my own. I mean, it's myself pitted against myself. I can't win that. God isn't asking me to. He wants to fight for me. And, to be truthful, although I had a battle plan, I was only playing defense. When I thought came - and I actually noticed that it came in the first place - I'd try to redirect it. That's defense. No, God and I are going to play offense now.

Overthinking is overrated.