A beautiful thing happens when young men and women come together under a zealous banner of God for a weekend. In a manner of a few days, God breaks us into humility and submission, works on and molds our hearts and thoughts and desires (basically performs surgery!), and sets us completely on fire and free as the healing begins. It's beautiful. It's beautiful to see so many hearts saying yes. It's beautiful. It's beautiful to see so many distractions and inhibitions and fears fall to the ground in the face of grace and love and truth and passion. It's beautiful. So, so very beautiful.
God did surgery on my heart too. I got a glimpse of the clarity that I was wanting so desperately - but then I didn't like it. It wasn't that I wasn't excited for it; I just didn't like the fact that God was going to have to prepare me for it, to prune me, to use me where I was first. And then, once I became content with that, He laid it on the hearts of my friends to go serve elsewhere. And He also answered one of my biggest prayers regarding a distraction in a way that, while good, hurt so much. Why? It didn't seem fair! What was going on? Why did I have to stay here? What was I supposed to sink my teeth into? Why were the people that I loved so much leaving? I was angry. I was bitter. I cried, I yelled at God.
And I found the truth behind why all of this was happening to me: Because God is good.
He has a plan that is so much bigger than me. The adventure that He has put my feet on is going to blow my mind, but I have to do things His way. It's like spelunking. Which, if you haven't done, you should try. Before you get into the cave, the guide usually tells you about all of the things you're going to crawl to and what you'll see, and it's exciting! But if you just dive right in there before the guide, you're going to get lost or hurt or scared or all three. You have to do things the right way. The same with God. He gave me that glimpse - and it's exciting! So exciting! But I have do follow Him, not run off on my own. And in the following, He's not going to just lead and leave me alone back there. I have heart work that needs done. My character needs strengthened in areas that I've known and just kind of ignored, to be honest. It's time to do the pruning. And it hurts; oh, how it hurts. But it is good. That is the truth: God is good. I learned from a pruning task this summer that, once I get past it, I am so much more free! It's beautiful. The same with this. I have to trust that there is something incredible and free on the other side of this hardness and hurt. I'll grow! He'll be able to use me in ways I never thought possible! He'll show me things about Him that I never knew! He'll give me gifts that I never would've imagined!
And, to be honest, I WELCOME this time of pruning, because God prunes those that He can use. As you grow, things have to be cut off or changed. The fact that God is doing all of this to me shows that He has bigger things in store. Now THAT's a promise I can rest in.
God is good. This is good.
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