The Spirit frees us from excuses. During one of the night sessions at OneBlaze, I felt God saying, "Get your butt to Borders, now." I was excited and ready to go and let the Spirit take the lead, but the bigger part of me thought it was ridiculous. For one, it was around 9:45 at night, and Borders would probably be closed. For two, it isn't necessarily the wisest choice for a girl to go off alone to talk to strangers. For three, all of the guys were busy praying or would be taking campers back to MWSU, so who would I take? Should I wait? I came up with a list of reasons why I shouldn't go, and then, I went. I prayed for help, I prayed for clarity, I prayed for boldness. Long story short, seeds were planted and a soul was saved! I will rejoice with Casey forever in heaven! The Spirit is often spur-of-the-moment, nonsensical, and charging. But the Spirit is also powerful, and although we could discount His pressings, God is glorified in our obedience. I said long ago that I would serve Him with everything I am every day of my life. I serve an incredible King, and if He says go, I need to go!
God can make things that this world has corrupted beautiful again. Romantic relationships are a gift of God, something that He created and has created us for! And, like most things that God has given us, our society has made a mess of them. I have been in a lot of relationships, most of which got caught up in the physical aspect quickly. Although I've been healed and restored - oh, God is so gracious!! - I have always wondered what a relationship centered on God was like. Well, I am almost a month into a relationship with a great Godly guy, and although I know that's not long, he still means a lot to me. I spent five days last week working at that OneBlaze camp along with him. We both had responsibilities and so we had to watch ourselves regarding PDA, regarding consideration as we both got more tired and more impatient... but I couldn't have asked for a more blessed few days. We are growing spiritually! We are on a mission together! We're seeing how we work as a team to build the Kingdom! I wish we had more chances to serve God together, and that's so hard, being in different places. But what I'm experiencing is a relationship restored, a relationship centered and focused solely on God and His plan for the world. It is so, so, so good.
I am not a useless disappointment. One thing that I have been struggling with most of the summer is that I have placed God into a working relationship category. That sucked the joy out of if, and without joy, I couldn't worship or pray, and without worship or prayer, I couldn't be moved by the Spirit, and without the Spirit, I had no drive to do anything. I got stuck in this giant rut, and when I would wake up and want to serve God, Satan (stupid idiot) would tell me that I had messed up so much lately that God was disappointed in me and wouldn't possibly want to use me. I bought into that so deeply... but it's not true! It's not, in the least bit true! I couldn't EVER disappoint God! He knows me so intimately, so thoroughly, and knows when I'll mess up, and still loves me, not even the tiniest bit less! He looks at me, sees the sacrifice and righteousness of His Son, and says, "Chin up, girl; I love you." He has an adventure for me! I LOVE THAT!! And despite anything I've ever done or any slump I've ever slipping into, He still has work for me to do and still sees me as qualified to do it - no, not just qualified to do it, but made for it! It's an adventure for me to go on out of a heart of joy and love and service, not of obligation. And that is a huge difference.
God is faithful. I have been praying for the joy to come back. I have been praying for the yearning to see the Gospel spread again. I have been praying for the love and the passion. I have been praying for a breakthrough. And God answered!! He never had, for even one second, turned away from me, and He has been romancing my heart day in and day out. He has given me back that burning desire to take the world for Him. He has released me from that lying mindset of treating my relationship with Him as something similar to a business relationship and shown me the joy of serving Him out of love. I had been begging for Him to somehow tear down whatever walls I had thrown up, to push me up out of this rut... and He is faithful! He did just that!! And He will be faithful to His promises for Maryville, and I am just tingling with excitement to watch Him work!
God is sovereign. That truth has just been hitting me harder and harder lately... His glory and power is infinite. He is in charge of everything, He knows everything, and He has everything under control. He is powerful over my financial worries, over my stress regarding the music department stuff for next year, over the Maryville church, over my parents, over everything. I am just floored by how complete His power and reign is, and the fact that a God that glorious knows me, made me, adores me, chose me... there aren't words to capture it.
With all creation, I sing praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything, and I will adore You!!
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