I just wanted to share this. It's from Jon Acuff, writer of "Stuff Christians Like" (see link on the sidebar to the right). Every Wednesday, he departs from the satire and plunges serious talk. Here is one.
"I don’t want to brag, but I’m pretty awesome at applying band-aids. And make no mistake, there is an art. Because if you go too quickly and unpeel them the wrong way, they stick to themselves and you end up with a wadded up useless mess instead of the Little Mermaid festooned bandage your daughter so desperately wants to apply to a boo boo that may in fact be 100% fictional.
Half of the injuries I treat at the Acuff house are invisible or simply wounds of sympathy. My oldest daughter will scrape her knee and my 3-year old, realizing the band aid box is open will say, “Yo dad, I’d like to get in on that too. What do you say we put one on, I don’t know, my ankle. Yeah, my ankle, let’s pretend that’s hurt.”
But sometimes the cuts are real, like the day my 5-year old got a scrape on her face playing in the front yard. I rushed in the house and returned with a princess bandage. As I bent down to apply it to her forehead, her eyes filled up with tears and she shrunk back from me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I don’t want to wear that band-aid.” She replied.
“Why? You have a cut, you need a band-aid.” I said.
“I’ll look silly.” She answered.
Other than her sister and her mom, there was no one else in the yard. None of her friends were over, cars were not streaming passed our house and watching us play, the world was pretty empty at that moment. But for the first time I can remember, she felt shame. She had discovered shame. Somewhere, some how, this little 5 year old had learned to be afraid of looking silly. If I was smarter, if I had been better prepared for the transition from little toddler to little girl, I might have asked her this:
“Who told you that you were silly?”
I didn’t though. That question didn’t bloom in my head until much later and I didn’t understand it until I saw God ask a similar question in Genesis 3:11. To me, this is one of the saddest and most profoundly beautiful verses in the entire Bible. Adam and Eve have fallen. The apple is a core. The snake has spoken. The dream appears crushed. As they hide from God under clothes they’ve hastily sewn together, He appears and asks them a simple question:
“Who told you that you were naked?”
There is hurt in God’s voice as He asks this question, but there is also a deep sadness, the sense of a father holding a daughter that has for the first time ever, wrapped herself in shame.
Who told you that you were not enough?
Who told you that I didn’t love you?
Who told you that there was something outside of me you needed?
Who told you that you were ugly?
Who told you that your dream was foolish?
Who told you that you would never have a child?
Who told you that you would never be a father?
Who told you that you weren’t a good mother?
Who told you that without a job you aren’t worth anything?
Who told you that you’ll never know love again?
Who told you that this was all there is?
Who told you that you were naked?
I don’t know when you discovered shame. I don’t know when you discovered that there were
people that might think you are silly or dumb or not a good writer or a husband or a friend. I don’t know what lies you’ve been told by other people or maybe even by yourself.
But in response to what you are hearing from everyone else, God is still asking the question, “Who told you that you were naked?”
And He’s still asking us that question because we are not.
In Christ we are not worthless.
In Christ we are not hopeless.
In Christ we are not dumb or ugly or forgotten.
In Christ we are not naked.
Isaiah 61:10 it says:
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness.
The world may try to tell you a thousand different things today. You might close this post and hear a million declarations of what you are or who you’ll always be, but know this.As unbelievable as it sounds and as much as I never expected to type this sentence on this blog:
You are not naked."
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"Do do do do do do dooo" <- Jeopardy theme song
Hello blogging world. My name is Kat, and I am probably among the most impatient people that you'll ever met. Or, I used to be. I'd like to think that I've moved from the top ten most impatient people to somewhere in the top one hundred. Like, ninety-seven. That'd be an improvement I'd be happy with. But regardless, I've been working on it. I haven't had that much of a choice in the matter, actually. God basically started forcing me to be patient.
The Maryville church is going to grow? Yes, but be patient.
And we're going to have a building too? Yes, but be patient.
I might go off and do Your work in a city? Yes, but be patient.
The guy You made for me is out there somewhere? Yes, but be patient.
My music major boys will give their hearts to You someday? Yes, but be patient.
I might one day not be impatient? Yes, but be patient.
Ugh. Fine.
One thing I've had to grapple with in becoming more patient is the contentment. If God tells me to wait, I can either sit there with my arms crossed and a scowl on my face or I can be content, even joyful, praising. Because we are told to wait because God's plan is better than what our impatient selves want. How amazing is God's love that He tells us to wait, that He wants us to experience this amazing thing that He has in store for us, and that He wants us to experience it in a way that will blow our mind, that will bring glory to Him? He could just let us loose, but He loves us, so He asks that we don't. It's kind of like little kids at Christmas. Sure, Mom and Dad could let them open the presents that they've been ogling for weeks, but they ask the kids to wait, because it'll be so much better at the time it's meant for, at Christmas.
John Waller - "While I'm Waiting"
The Maryville church is going to grow? Yes, but be patient.
And we're going to have a building too? Yes, but be patient.
I might go off and do Your work in a city? Yes, but be patient.
The guy You made for me is out there somewhere? Yes, but be patient.
My music major boys will give their hearts to You someday? Yes, but be patient.
I might one day not be impatient? Yes, but be patient.
Ugh. Fine.
One thing I've had to grapple with in becoming more patient is the contentment. If God tells me to wait, I can either sit there with my arms crossed and a scowl on my face or I can be content, even joyful, praising. Because we are told to wait because God's plan is better than what our impatient selves want. How amazing is God's love that He tells us to wait, that He wants us to experience this amazing thing that He has in store for us, and that He wants us to experience it in a way that will blow our mind, that will bring glory to Him? He could just let us loose, but He loves us, so He asks that we don't. It's kind of like little kids at Christmas. Sure, Mom and Dad could let them open the presents that they've been ogling for weeks, but they ask the kids to wait, because it'll be so much better at the time it's meant for, at Christmas.
"But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 41:31
"We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised." Hebrews 6:12
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9
"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9
"This is what the Lord says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go." Isaiah 48:17This post was and is entirely for myself, to help me remember why I'm waiting and to be joyful in it. God is going to blow my mind and wow my heart with whatever He has in store. And until then, I'll worship Him and praise Him and be content in where I am.
John Waller - "While I'm Waiting"
I will boast
Pride. Ugh, I hate it, and I hate that I struggle with so many different versions of it in so many different areas at so many different times. Selfishness, high expectations, wanting attention, pride in and of itself... it's just ridiculous. Just when I think that God and I have finally taken some big steps towards ridding me of it, I find myself giving me a high five, and we're back at square one. And then there's the problem that, as you grow, the people close to you and supporting you and prodding you on notice and give you a complement or tidbit of encouragement, and you have to immediately seize it so that you can feel encouraged without it seeping into that pool of pride that keeps wanting to grow. Christians are meant to encourage! But sometimes, I think it'd be easier on me if they didn't.
Anyways, my little frustration with pride tonight stems from this:
SUCH a good thing that I'm not Jesus.
But here's the thing - this verse right here... I'm going to share in the glory of Jesus. Pause. The glory of Jesus. I can't even begin to think of what that entails, of how deep and awesome (in the sense of inspiring awe, not being rad and hip and groovy, although it probably is) that must be. It's the glory of the entire world, it's the glory of humanity throughout space and time, it's the glory of the heavens and the spirits, it's the glory of all creation, it's the glory of all thought and emotion, it's the glory of God.
I get to share in that, and that doesn't seem fair. I didn't do a thing. Well, no, back that up. I've done plenty. I've messed up more times that I care to mention or even could, I've promised Him stuff and backed out, I've placed this big giant smear on His message. I lose focus when life gets hectic. I'm selfish and prideful and love attention. I'm this rag-tag girl who isn't worth mentioning, let alone saving. Yes, I've done plenty, and none of it has been good. But I get to share in that incredible and rad and groovy glory, and why?
Only by and through and thanks to grace.
And that truth right there removes all reason and cause for boasting and pride. I don't stand in and share the glory of Christ because of a single thing that I've done. I can stand in the presence of God, and know fully that I have absolutely no right to be there. I have nothing of myself to brag of, to take credit for. The only way that I can stand there is because Jesus made me clean and covers me in a full and indescribable grace! I'll be sharing in the glory of Jesus, but all of the glory goes to Him for even letting me, for even making that possible! My pride is only in Christ, and my attention is on Him and not me, never me! Everything in me should point to the glory of Jesus.
Anyways, my little frustration with pride tonight stems from this:
"He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ." 2 Thessalonians 2:14If I were Jesus, I wouldn't want to share my glory with anyone. Why should I? I'm God, I came down and became a measly human, I did incredible acts and touched the lives of so many people, I died, I kicked Satan in the face with a steel-toed boot, I came back to life. Me. I'm Jesus, and I did that. The glory is, therefore, mine.
SUCH a good thing that I'm not Jesus.
But here's the thing - this verse right here... I'm going to share in the glory of Jesus. Pause. The glory of Jesus. I can't even begin to think of what that entails, of how deep and awesome (in the sense of inspiring awe, not being rad and hip and groovy, although it probably is) that must be. It's the glory of the entire world, it's the glory of humanity throughout space and time, it's the glory of the heavens and the spirits, it's the glory of all creation, it's the glory of all thought and emotion, it's the glory of God.
I get to share in that, and that doesn't seem fair. I didn't do a thing. Well, no, back that up. I've done plenty. I've messed up more times that I care to mention or even could, I've promised Him stuff and backed out, I've placed this big giant smear on His message. I lose focus when life gets hectic. I'm selfish and prideful and love attention. I'm this rag-tag girl who isn't worth mentioning, let alone saving. Yes, I've done plenty, and none of it has been good. But I get to share in that incredible and rad and groovy glory, and why?
Only by and through and thanks to grace.
And that truth right there removes all reason and cause for boasting and pride. I don't stand in and share the glory of Christ because of a single thing that I've done. I can stand in the presence of God, and know fully that I have absolutely no right to be there. I have nothing of myself to brag of, to take credit for. The only way that I can stand there is because Jesus made me clean and covers me in a full and indescribable grace! I'll be sharing in the glory of Jesus, but all of the glory goes to Him for even letting me, for even making that possible! My pride is only in Christ, and my attention is on Him and not me, never me! Everything in me should point to the glory of Jesus.
Let not the wise man boast in his wisdomThat truth seems so obvious, but I've found that it's good to take a refreshing course in the obvious every now and then because sometimes we lose it in delving into the less obvious. Sometimes we forget one set of lessons we're working on because we've been given another set to add to it. So God, thanks for the reminder. You're so awesome/groovy/rad.
Or let the strong man boast in his strength
Let not the rich man boast in his riches
But let the humble come and give thanks
To the One who made us, the One who saved us
I will boast in the Lord my God
I will boast in the One Who's worthy
I will boast in the Lord my God
I will boast in the One Who's worthy, He's worthy
LifeJournal 5-13-10 (yup, that's my title)
Let's start this story off with this.
I've been in a handful of relationships with guys. Some of them have been good and taught me a lot. Some of them brought a tremendous amount of pain. Towards the last half of my high school career, I started dating a guy that I had liked for what seemed like ages. Things were fine initially but went downhill soon and fast and hard. That relationship ended the summer before I came to college, and I don't have the words to describe to you the kind of person I was at the end of it. The guilt and hurt and anger was more baggage than I knew what to do with. It did bring me back to God, though. I knew that I had completely shifted away from Him, and so, aching and broken, I ran back to Him. I asked for forgiveness time and time again.
That's the start of the problem right there - I kept asking for forgiveness. If anything, at least I was earnest, but I was missing the point. God had welcomed me back. He has forgiven me. All of that mess that made up my past was gone, deleted, erased, forgiven, forgotten. It no longer existed. But I kept bringing it up because I couldn't forget and I couldn't see how I could ever forgive myself. It's a giant slap in God's face - "Yeah, thanks for forgiving me and dying so that none of that sin matters anymore, but if I can't forgive myself, it doesn't really matter." If I were God, I would've gotten really ticked off right about then. But thank goodness I'm not. Anyways, because I couldn't forgive myself and couldn't let those pieces go, that wound just stayed there, open and festering, never healing. It would get close... so close... there were times when I could feel the love of God and the freedom that only He can offer. He had my heart and my life, after all! I had given it to Him and my life was being changed! But I couldn't give up that part of my heart, I couldn't let go of my mistakes, and every time that I experienced God, Satan would throw the guilt right back in my face after a few days.
It wasn't until last summer that I realized that I had never let those pieces go. I hadn't even realized that I was holding on to them. I thought that the guilt and pain was part of the consequences. I mean, God can forgive a man of murder, for example, but he'll still go to jail. I had messed up hardcore, and even though God forgave me, the guilt and anger and disgust was mine to bear. A friend caught me one night when I was struggling with that pain more than ever, and she threw hard nuggets of truth and love in my face. She said that I had to get it out, this secret that I had been trying to hide from the world was just going to continue to eat me up and be a barrier between God and I until I let it go. She was right. But holy crap, I was terrified. As much as I hated the guilt, it had become my security blanket.
I took a deep and shaky breath... and let it all out. I didn't know where or even how to start, but once I did, it just kept coming out - all of the hurt and lies and guilt and disgust and hatred and anger. I didn't realize how deep these roots had grown to reach to, but my friend told me to keep digging, so I did. Afterwards, I was exhausted and had a horrible crying headache and a whole box of used Kleenexes on the floor... but I was light. I felt free! I felt God flooding into me and filling the parts of my heart that those pieces used to occupy! I felt love and could accept it and be lavished by it without feeling guilt!
I am new!
I am clean!
I am pure!
I am beautiful!
I am precious!
I am loved...
That verse is so true. "He made my life complete". It's incredible, so incredible, letting God wash me clean.
And when I look around me, I see so many people still grasping onto their own pieces, carrying around baggage that they don't have to. It breaks my heart, because they were made to be conquerors, to be free, to be vibrant and joyous and full of fire! It's there for them, if they'd just let go and let God heal them. And perhaps that's where I can step in. Maybe they need someone to tell them to let go, like my friend had to tell me. Maybe I can help.
"God made my life complete when I placed all of the pieces before Him. When I cleaned up my act, He gave me a fresh start." 2 Samuel 22:21 MSGThe truth of those few sentences floors me. God will turns lives around, refresh our souls, make our steps right - but we have to let go of the pieces first. We have to let Him. He's not a forceful God when it comes to healing us. He's gentle, oh so gentle. He sees our hurt and how deep our pain is, and He doesn't pry and push us into submission. He waits until we're ready to let go, to be vulnerable, to get rid of the security blanket that has been crippling us more than we probably realize.
I've been in a handful of relationships with guys. Some of them have been good and taught me a lot. Some of them brought a tremendous amount of pain. Towards the last half of my high school career, I started dating a guy that I had liked for what seemed like ages. Things were fine initially but went downhill soon and fast and hard. That relationship ended the summer before I came to college, and I don't have the words to describe to you the kind of person I was at the end of it. The guilt and hurt and anger was more baggage than I knew what to do with. It did bring me back to God, though. I knew that I had completely shifted away from Him, and so, aching and broken, I ran back to Him. I asked for forgiveness time and time again.
That's the start of the problem right there - I kept asking for forgiveness. If anything, at least I was earnest, but I was missing the point. God had welcomed me back. He has forgiven me. All of that mess that made up my past was gone, deleted, erased, forgiven, forgotten. It no longer existed. But I kept bringing it up because I couldn't forget and I couldn't see how I could ever forgive myself. It's a giant slap in God's face - "Yeah, thanks for forgiving me and dying so that none of that sin matters anymore, but if I can't forgive myself, it doesn't really matter." If I were God, I would've gotten really ticked off right about then. But thank goodness I'm not. Anyways, because I couldn't forgive myself and couldn't let those pieces go, that wound just stayed there, open and festering, never healing. It would get close... so close... there were times when I could feel the love of God and the freedom that only He can offer. He had my heart and my life, after all! I had given it to Him and my life was being changed! But I couldn't give up that part of my heart, I couldn't let go of my mistakes, and every time that I experienced God, Satan would throw the guilt right back in my face after a few days.
It wasn't until last summer that I realized that I had never let those pieces go. I hadn't even realized that I was holding on to them. I thought that the guilt and pain was part of the consequences. I mean, God can forgive a man of murder, for example, but he'll still go to jail. I had messed up hardcore, and even though God forgave me, the guilt and anger and disgust was mine to bear. A friend caught me one night when I was struggling with that pain more than ever, and she threw hard nuggets of truth and love in my face. She said that I had to get it out, this secret that I had been trying to hide from the world was just going to continue to eat me up and be a barrier between God and I until I let it go. She was right. But holy crap, I was terrified. As much as I hated the guilt, it had become my security blanket.
I took a deep and shaky breath... and let it all out. I didn't know where or even how to start, but once I did, it just kept coming out - all of the hurt and lies and guilt and disgust and hatred and anger. I didn't realize how deep these roots had grown to reach to, but my friend told me to keep digging, so I did. Afterwards, I was exhausted and had a horrible crying headache and a whole box of used Kleenexes on the floor... but I was light. I felt free! I felt God flooding into me and filling the parts of my heart that those pieces used to occupy! I felt love and could accept it and be lavished by it without feeling guilt!
I am new!
I am clean!
I am pure!
I am beautiful!
I am precious!
I am loved...
That verse is so true. "He made my life complete". It's incredible, so incredible, letting God wash me clean.
And when I look around me, I see so many people still grasping onto their own pieces, carrying around baggage that they don't have to. It breaks my heart, because they were made to be conquerors, to be free, to be vibrant and joyous and full of fire! It's there for them, if they'd just let go and let God heal them. And perhaps that's where I can step in. Maybe they need someone to tell them to let go, like my friend had to tell me. Maybe I can help.
Redemption is so beautiful.
So far, my early morning (ugh) government and politics class has taught me this:
There's that maxim that so many people cling to when it comes to really throwing your heart into Jesus' lap - "I'm a good person. I don't do bad things, so I'll get to heaven." And I know and you know that that's a far cry from the truth that absolutely nothing that we could ever do could ever save us. But it's that first part that I find intriguing. "I'm a good person." How does one define that? What makes someone a good person? By today's culture standards, if a person doesn't drink, doesn't smoke or do any drugs, gets their homework done, obeys their parents, has never been arrested, doesn't impregnate anyone or become pregnant themselves, has aspirations, never cusses, and goes to church on Sunday in pressed pants then they're a good person. That list isn't written down anywhere, but everyone adheres to it. But really... even if you fit that mold, does that make you a good person? When you think about it, nobody came out of the womb thinking to themselves, "Oh, I'm not going to drink or shoot up or have illicit sex or become incarcerated! Ewww, no." Look at any two-year-old! We are hard-wired to want to break rules. Parents train their kids to behave, to follow the rules. To put it another way, parents train their kids to be good. They teach us what good means. We all had to be taught to be good. It doesn't come naturally. If good came naturally, then what would the point of police be, for instance? But face it, everyone drives a little bit differently when there's a cop in the rearview mirror. We're not naturally good. We want to bend the rules.
And if someone bucks that system, does that make them a bad person? Is someone who has never committed murder better or more developed or something that someone who is on death row for genocide? Some book I've read somewhere made a really going point with that, and I wish I could remember what book it was so I could look this up and do it justice. Anyways, Rwanda. I think we all know what happened there. There was this huge political power struggle between the Tutsi and Hutu tribes following the assassination of the president of Rwanda, and long story short, within a mere hundred days following that assassination, approximately 800,000 people were mass murdered. Eight hundred thousand. That was 20% of the Rwandan population. And almost every woman of the Tutsi tribe was raped. Multiple times. Of course, there was media coverage, and people would have a hard time wrapping their minds around it. I mean, I can't! Oh, and throw in the fact that in all actuality, genocide is happening all throughout Africa. Let's take Congo. There are eight tribes in Congo, and each one is at war with the other seven, killing and raping numbers that have already surpassed two million. And you have to wonder initially how people could do something like that. Then ask yourself - could you do something like that? All of us would quickly say no, of course not, I couldn't murder or rape people. But what's the difference between the war-ravaged Africans and the comfortable middle-class American? They're human. We're human. Why do we and how can we view ourselves as any better than them? So either yes, we could murder and rape, or no, but then there's alot of explaining to do because that would be implying that we're more evolved than them, that we're "better" humans. And that's ridiculous. So yes. We - you, me, everyone - are capable of the atrocities that we see in the media.
I hate that. And that is our sin nature, right there. Sometimes the sin nature is hard to see because we've grown up in this society of checks and balances (ugh, stupid government terminology...) where if you don't do good, you get punished. But really, that doesn't make the people who don't break the rules good. It makes them subdued. And the fact that that gnawing sin nature is inherently there makes us have to face the facts - the problem with the world isn't power mongering or hunger or murder or politics. The problem is us. The problem is me. The problem is the fact that I am hard-wired to want to do wrong. Doing good and moral things is like trying to swim against the current.
But here's another truth - we are designed for good. That's why all of the wrong that we do leaves us broken and sputtering for air. We can't thrive on wrong. We can hardly scrape by on wrong. God made us as beautiful pinnacles of His creation, and He didn't create us to run on wrong. The only way for us to live is to find something to combat that sin nature that we have, and that sin nature is powerful, so what we combat it with has to be epic, and we can't do it ourselves because we want that sin nature, even if we don't want to admit it. We can be taught good, but that only gets us so far. We have to be changed. Our hearts have to be completely revamped. Our mindset has to be replaced.
And that's where Jesus comes in.
Jesus is so beautiful, grace is so beautiful, love is so beautiful.
Redemption is so beautiful.
God comes in and soothes us. He sees our self-inflicted hurt and pain, He sees the damage that we do even though we don't mean to, and He loves on us. We are His children! I don't have kids, but I have heard from so many parents that one of the hardest things is seeing your child be in pain, and I believe it. Imagine how much it hurts God, the absolute perfect father! His heart breaks, and He comes and hugs us and heals us. And if we will admit that we are a mess, if we tell God that our heart is a wreck and ask Him to take it - oh, He will! He is the most powerful - so much more powerful than any wrong we have in us. And He transforms it! He fills it with a Spirit and love that is so incredible and so unlike anything the world could ever offer!!
Our sin nature can't win against that, against God's creation thriving on Him! It is unchangeable. It is a once-and-for-all switch of direction. And as much as our heart ached when it was trying to live with that sin, how much more does our heart explode with joy when it's been made complete?! Like I said, it's beautiful.
- I couldn't really care any less than I already do about how government is set up or how amendments can be added to the Constitutions.
- The entirety of the actual lecture could be done in 45 minutes if the professor would stop going off on tangents.
- I can keep my sanity during those tangents by doing something else (i.e. writing, thinking, doodling, eating PopTarts).
There's that maxim that so many people cling to when it comes to really throwing your heart into Jesus' lap - "I'm a good person. I don't do bad things, so I'll get to heaven." And I know and you know that that's a far cry from the truth that absolutely nothing that we could ever do could ever save us. But it's that first part that I find intriguing. "I'm a good person." How does one define that? What makes someone a good person? By today's culture standards, if a person doesn't drink, doesn't smoke or do any drugs, gets their homework done, obeys their parents, has never been arrested, doesn't impregnate anyone or become pregnant themselves, has aspirations, never cusses, and goes to church on Sunday in pressed pants then they're a good person. That list isn't written down anywhere, but everyone adheres to it. But really... even if you fit that mold, does that make you a good person? When you think about it, nobody came out of the womb thinking to themselves, "Oh, I'm not going to drink or shoot up or have illicit sex or become incarcerated! Ewww, no." Look at any two-year-old! We are hard-wired to want to break rules. Parents train their kids to behave, to follow the rules. To put it another way, parents train their kids to be good. They teach us what good means. We all had to be taught to be good. It doesn't come naturally. If good came naturally, then what would the point of police be, for instance? But face it, everyone drives a little bit differently when there's a cop in the rearview mirror. We're not naturally good. We want to bend the rules.
And if someone bucks that system, does that make them a bad person? Is someone who has never committed murder better or more developed or something that someone who is on death row for genocide? Some book I've read somewhere made a really going point with that, and I wish I could remember what book it was so I could look this up and do it justice. Anyways, Rwanda. I think we all know what happened there. There was this huge political power struggle between the Tutsi and Hutu tribes following the assassination of the president of Rwanda, and long story short, within a mere hundred days following that assassination, approximately 800,000 people were mass murdered. Eight hundred thousand. That was 20% of the Rwandan population. And almost every woman of the Tutsi tribe was raped. Multiple times. Of course, there was media coverage, and people would have a hard time wrapping their minds around it. I mean, I can't! Oh, and throw in the fact that in all actuality, genocide is happening all throughout Africa. Let's take Congo. There are eight tribes in Congo, and each one is at war with the other seven, killing and raping numbers that have already surpassed two million. And you have to wonder initially how people could do something like that. Then ask yourself - could you do something like that? All of us would quickly say no, of course not, I couldn't murder or rape people. But what's the difference between the war-ravaged Africans and the comfortable middle-class American? They're human. We're human. Why do we and how can we view ourselves as any better than them? So either yes, we could murder and rape, or no, but then there's alot of explaining to do because that would be implying that we're more evolved than them, that we're "better" humans. And that's ridiculous. So yes. We - you, me, everyone - are capable of the atrocities that we see in the media.
I hate that. And that is our sin nature, right there. Sometimes the sin nature is hard to see because we've grown up in this society of checks and balances (ugh, stupid government terminology...) where if you don't do good, you get punished. But really, that doesn't make the people who don't break the rules good. It makes them subdued. And the fact that that gnawing sin nature is inherently there makes us have to face the facts - the problem with the world isn't power mongering or hunger or murder or politics. The problem is us. The problem is me. The problem is the fact that I am hard-wired to want to do wrong. Doing good and moral things is like trying to swim against the current.
But here's another truth - we are designed for good. That's why all of the wrong that we do leaves us broken and sputtering for air. We can't thrive on wrong. We can hardly scrape by on wrong. God made us as beautiful pinnacles of His creation, and He didn't create us to run on wrong. The only way for us to live is to find something to combat that sin nature that we have, and that sin nature is powerful, so what we combat it with has to be epic, and we can't do it ourselves because we want that sin nature, even if we don't want to admit it. We can be taught good, but that only gets us so far. We have to be changed. Our hearts have to be completely revamped. Our mindset has to be replaced.
And that's where Jesus comes in.
Jesus is so beautiful, grace is so beautiful, love is so beautiful.
Redemption is so beautiful.
God comes in and soothes us. He sees our self-inflicted hurt and pain, He sees the damage that we do even though we don't mean to, and He loves on us. We are His children! I don't have kids, but I have heard from so many parents that one of the hardest things is seeing your child be in pain, and I believe it. Imagine how much it hurts God, the absolute perfect father! His heart breaks, and He comes and hugs us and heals us. And if we will admit that we are a mess, if we tell God that our heart is a wreck and ask Him to take it - oh, He will! He is the most powerful - so much more powerful than any wrong we have in us. And He transforms it! He fills it with a Spirit and love that is so incredible and so unlike anything the world could ever offer!!
Our sin nature can't win against that, against God's creation thriving on Him! It is unchangeable. It is a once-and-for-all switch of direction. And as much as our heart ached when it was trying to live with that sin, how much more does our heart explode with joy when it's been made complete?! Like I said, it's beautiful.
My heart can't smile more.
Today, I have nothing else to say, but this -
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
When we've been here ten thousand yearsThat is all. And that's all that is needed.
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.
Happy Jedi Day!!
This will not be deep or introspective or thought-provoking. Just fair warning. =) If you're looking for something like that, go check out one of the blogs I have linked on the right. If you're rather apathetic and aren't really in the mood to read anything in particular, then you'll probably be okay.
I finished my second day of Subway training today. I think I'm going to like working there. The lunch rush is ridiculous and overwhelms me entirely, but I'm enjoying it. I've met both supervisors/managers so far. Tammy, the main one, seems a little stressed most of the time, but Sam is a blast and started the actual training today (yesterday, I just kind of got thrown to the sharks), and I like her. I've met four other girls that I'll be working with. Sarah really took me under her wing yesterday and everything in me wants to get to know her better because... well, you know those times when you meet someone, and something in your soul just clicks? Yeah. It was that. Sarah and I are meant to be friends. And Emily today is ornery and loud and boisterous, and extremely helpful to me as I'm trying to figure stuff out. I've come to realize something, though. The other two girls that I've met scared me at first, and I've been trying to figure out why. And it's because they're quiet. Why does that always unsettle me so much? When I get to talking to them a bit, they're just as awesome and friendly as any other person, but they intimidate me at first. That bothers me. I talk a lot, I crack jokes a lot, I ramble at times... is that more or less just a security blanket for me?
Oh, but here's an awesome story. The summer interns went treasure hunting on campus during the summer, and one of my clues matched up pretty closely with this guy by the pond. And so we went and talked to him, and he wouldn't let any of his walls down or admit to anything, but you could see it on his face. When I asked him if there was anything going on with his parents and his relationship with them, his face froze. But he didn't want prayer and didn't want to talk, so we left. Before we got too far, he called us back. Yay! And he asked us to pray for this girl he knew. Her name rang a bell, and I did pray for her for a while, but then I sort of stopped. Anyways, during orientation last weekend, guess is who is the other new girl working at Subway? Her! That girl! Ohmigosh, is my God great or what? That He brought back into my life this little occurrence from so many months ago... coincidences don't exist. God is going to do something, and I don't know what it is or what part I play in it, but my heart jumped and leaped and danced!
In other news, I'm an adult. I guess. I'm moved into a house, and it's pretty much done, actually. I went grocery shopping with my best friend. My best friend enjoys cooking a lot. Both of us enjoy decorating a lot. It made for a pretty pricey adventure, and we're not even done yet! But it'll all be worthwhile in the end. It's so weird, this whole growing up thing... and it's scary to think that I'm halfway done with college. I've been nothing but a student for years. That'll end soon. Creeeeepppy. And super exhilerating.
I'm bringing my family to church in St. Joseph some Sunday in June this summer. I'm nervous. If you'd like something to pray about, that'd be it. Along with patience. I feel like I've matured and gotten more patient alot in the past year. It's definitely something God's been working on. But it's still hard at times, especially with all of these daydreams that I have stored up.
May the fourth be with you.
And also with you. Amen.
I finished my second day of Subway training today. I think I'm going to like working there. The lunch rush is ridiculous and overwhelms me entirely, but I'm enjoying it. I've met both supervisors/managers so far. Tammy, the main one, seems a little stressed most of the time, but Sam is a blast and started the actual training today (yesterday, I just kind of got thrown to the sharks), and I like her. I've met four other girls that I'll be working with. Sarah really took me under her wing yesterday and everything in me wants to get to know her better because... well, you know those times when you meet someone, and something in your soul just clicks? Yeah. It was that. Sarah and I are meant to be friends. And Emily today is ornery and loud and boisterous, and extremely helpful to me as I'm trying to figure stuff out. I've come to realize something, though. The other two girls that I've met scared me at first, and I've been trying to figure out why. And it's because they're quiet. Why does that always unsettle me so much? When I get to talking to them a bit, they're just as awesome and friendly as any other person, but they intimidate me at first. That bothers me. I talk a lot, I crack jokes a lot, I ramble at times... is that more or less just a security blanket for me?
Oh, but here's an awesome story. The summer interns went treasure hunting on campus during the summer, and one of my clues matched up pretty closely with this guy by the pond. And so we went and talked to him, and he wouldn't let any of his walls down or admit to anything, but you could see it on his face. When I asked him if there was anything going on with his parents and his relationship with them, his face froze. But he didn't want prayer and didn't want to talk, so we left. Before we got too far, he called us back. Yay! And he asked us to pray for this girl he knew. Her name rang a bell, and I did pray for her for a while, but then I sort of stopped. Anyways, during orientation last weekend, guess is who is the other new girl working at Subway? Her! That girl! Ohmigosh, is my God great or what? That He brought back into my life this little occurrence from so many months ago... coincidences don't exist. God is going to do something, and I don't know what it is or what part I play in it, but my heart jumped and leaped and danced!
In other news, I'm an adult. I guess. I'm moved into a house, and it's pretty much done, actually. I went grocery shopping with my best friend. My best friend enjoys cooking a lot. Both of us enjoy decorating a lot. It made for a pretty pricey adventure, and we're not even done yet! But it'll all be worthwhile in the end. It's so weird, this whole growing up thing... and it's scary to think that I'm halfway done with college. I've been nothing but a student for years. That'll end soon. Creeeeepppy. And super exhilerating.
I'm bringing my family to church in St. Joseph some Sunday in June this summer. I'm nervous. If you'd like something to pray about, that'd be it. Along with patience. I feel like I've matured and gotten more patient alot in the past year. It's definitely something God's been working on. But it's still hard at times, especially with all of these daydreams that I have stored up.
RRandom picture that popped up on Flickr. Felt like it felt the random post motif.
May the fourth be with you.
And also with you. Amen.
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