Walking on water

Northwest is an absolutely gorgeous place during the spring. Everything sizzles with color. I think that Crayola probably discovered green and blue and purple here. It just so happens that the majority of my classes are in rooms where the windows face directly out towards the most scenic part of campus. There is the kissing bridge with all sorts of redbuds and dogwoods around it so that it's like someone just plopped down white and pink whipped cream from the sky. You can see the top of the belltower, which blends into the clouds of the most cerulean sky ever. And then, there's the pond. It is crystal.. When the sunsets, you can see everything in it. As if that view in itself wasn't distracting enough on a daily basis, there is also a fountain in that pond that got turned out last week. The instant that that fountain was turned on sealed the death wish on my focus and my grades. I was giddy. I texted and tweeted to the annoyance level with my excitement.

I was out by the pond last night with my best friends, having a good time, wading our feet out over the edge, lying on our backs, singing and just enjoying ourselves. I forget how it came up, although I sort of have an ADHD set of mental processes so it might have just come up out of nowhere, but I started thinking about Jesus and Peter walking on water. What that would've felt like, how much of a liberating rush that must've been, how incredible Jesus is, how much faith it took to step out of the boat. A faith with a power. And a faith that also came with doubt.

There is a power in living in the Spirit, and I'm not just saying that metaphorically. There is actual power. God is divine and beyond human standards, and the Spirit of God is living inside of me and every other person who has let Him in and lives in Him. This is in no way a secret! It's mingled throughout the Bible in plain sight. 

"He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."" Matthew 17:20

"I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12 

Jesus just said that, in our faith, we would be able to do not only all of the miraculous things that have been recorded about Him, but more. More! Jesus healed lepers, paraplegics, blind, deaf, mute... He cast out demons... He raised people from death... He walked on water, turned water into wine, caused trees to die, fed thousands of people... and He's saying that we can do that? And do even more? Does that not just floor you? And there's proof that that was true! His disciples were sent out to cast out demons, and did. The book of Acts has numerous stories of people acting out in faith to raise people from death and heal people from various diseases.

It didn't take spells and chants. It wasn't done by sinless people or people who were extremely out of the ordinary. It never has taken any of that. It takes faith. Faith the size of a mustard seed. Personally, I have never seen a mustard seed, but apparently, it's small. So, let's see... faith the size of end of a pin, faith the size of the end of a strand of hair, faith the size a grain of pollen. Just a small amount of faith can do extraordinary things. We can, here and now and today, do all sorts of incredible things because God lives in us! "Nothing will be impossible for you"... and it's true!

So... what stops us?

Fear. Uncertainty. Doubt. Sure, we are told that we have the power to restore sight and more, but just pause and think of how intimidating and disconcerting that would be to have a crowd of people watching you while you pray and ask God to restore that sight. What if it doesn't happen? What then? Does that mean that God is less real? Does that mean that I don't have actual faith? Is God disappointed in me? I can only imagine how terrifying that would be. What if I had stood up and taken a step out onto the pond last night, and fell in? What if people who were challenging God were there? The onslaught of uncertainty and doubt would cripple me... Being told that we have that power is one thing. Acting out in that faith is another.

It's not like if we haven't healed someone then we must not have faith or something. It's not that at all. The faith is there because God has caused it. Faith is a gift from God, freely given and always there. Fear doesn't negate faith. The faith is there, the salvation is there, the grace is there regardless of any doubts that we may wrestle with. But, even as the Bible says, our faith rests in believing in something that we have never seen, it rests in hope. Our heart and soul know that it is true, and at times so does our mind, but there are other times when reason causes us to question what we know is true. A friend of mine brought up a verse a few weeks ago at church...

 "...But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us." " 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"" Mark 9:22b-24

Faith can be strong even when doubt is there. In fact, I would go so far as to say that faith is strong because doubt is there, because if there weren't any questions, the faith itself might not be running very deep. Doubts sturdy a faith. How wack is that? The very emotion that shakes our faith serves to sturdy it, because the faith is true and is real. It's like when you're working out. All you're doing is tearing up muscles, but in the end, it makes them stronger. It's the same with doubt. It shakes a faith, but in the end, it makes it stronger. So, really... you could consider doubt to be a gift from God too. Without it, we're sort of like brainwashed robots, just saying we believe something and not delving into it, not hitting hard patches, not being forced to act on it. With it, we're vibrant because our faith is personal.

Every single Christian has doubts. Every. Single. One. And there are going to be times when that doubt seems crippling. But since when is doubt bigger than the power of God? Never. It isn't. And the power of God runs through me, is part of me. Stepping over the doubt and out in a faith in the most powerful and perfect God, I can heal the sick, I can feed the multitude, I can help the lame jump. I can even walk across the pond. And maybe someday, if it's in God's plan and the Spirit is pushing me that direction... I will.

"the constant struggle to believe / leaves me pretending to be free /  I break out of it when I see / the same power that flows through You / washes also over me"